PSL masterpost

[ruinatings]

there's sibling incest and other gross shit in here watch your step

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[ruinatings]

Mostly that I'm tired.

[Yeah. He just wants to go back to sleep. He can acknowledge that Jusis is right, but it doesn't make him feel any more motivated. It doesn't make him hate himself any less. Doing what Jusis says is nice in theory, but in practice is just feels pointless.

He can get up the energy to pet Jusis' head, though.]

[saddleclub]

[he tucks his face against Rufus's neck to make that easier, fingertips not escaping Rufus's hair, just buried there slowly moving back and forth, little tiny pets.]

That's okay. But go riding with me, tomorrow. And with your arm healed, we should work on fencing again.

Think of something you want to do, we'll do it. Sleep doesn't count.

[ruinatings]

As you wish.

[Hey if Jusis says do things he'll do them. That's how this works right? Although, he has had another thought...]

Who have you been talking to on the phone so often, by the way?

[He already knows. He's not completely oblivious. But he may as well ask.]

[saddleclub]

[He's trying to poke Rufus into wanting things on his own without Jusis telling him to but... That's obviously going to be a process. He'll be patient. Wanting Rufus happy and whole all at once is just going to frustrate them both. He hmms softly, personally very content curled against Rufus, even if his heart aches to know how depressed he is.] Rean. Did I forget to mention they found him alive somehow?

[ruinatings]

--I'd heard bits and pieces.

[Part of him wants to get up just to go kill him properly, but he's reminding him that that urge is definitely a bad one.]

How lucky. That really shouldn't have been possible. I wonder how it was done...?

[saddleclub]

[Jealousy is at least some kind of motivation... A bad one, but well. Jusis is trying not to be disturbed by Rufus casually musing about how Rean shouldn't be alive.] Some kind of tank in Osborne's basement, a technology no one can place.

[ruinatings]

I'd never heard of it.

[What a nice reminder of how unimportant he was. Well, he's the one that asked, so he can't complain too much.]

Maybe I should have a look at it, later.

[saddleclub]

If you do, I'd like to go as well.

[He's curious about it, and anyway, this is the first time Rufus has actually said he wants to do anything, so that's something.]

[ruinatings]

You're welcome to. It should fall under our jurisdiction, so it won't be a problem.

[A lot of things are under their jurisdiction, now. Rufus needs to get moving again just so he can keep that new position secure.]

[saddleclub]

[Jusis has bern doing well enough without Rufus, he's surprisingly competent. But most of his energy and concern had been for his brother over politics.]

Hm. At least something has your interest.

[ruinatings]

[Jusis is very competent, that's true. Rufus is just better at the whole political charming thing... which unfortunately still has to happen. Alas.]

I suppose it does.

[Is this spite? Hmm. It might be. He's still worked up over being dumped, so he just can't leave that kind of thing alone. Something that man was doing without his knowledge... it's a symbol of that rift.]

[saddleclub]

[Spite is acceptable if it gets Rufus motivated in his own. Jusis will take anything and then just work at shoving nice situations and people at his brother until nice osmosis sinks in.

He's got a lot of work to do but he cares too much not to try forever.]

Do you think it might be a bad thing to have left it?

[ruinatings]

I doubt it. If no one knows how to use it, and all we know it can do is heal, it should be fine sitting there.

[Rufus is going to be grateful for the motivation once it actually works.]

Is Rean the only one of them who's shown up?

[saddleclub]

As far as I know. He's... Gone to confirm everyone else is really gone.

[This is so painful to discuss with Rufus, but talking to Rean every week has gotten him more used to the grief.]

[ruinatings]

I see...

[Hmm. Rufus has mixed feelings. He feels guilty, of course. He knows that was a huge, huge mistake he can never take back. But he can't help feeling a little jealous. Still, as long as Rean stays physically out of sight, he supposes it'll be fine.]

[saddleclub]

[It's not like Jusis won't always be in love with Rean so that jealousy is hardly unfounded. Still, Rufus is the one he decided needed him, Rufus is the one he's cuddled against right now.]

...

[Jusis doesn't know what else to say on the subject though, discussing his dead friends is still a bit too much for him.]

[ruinatings]

Hmm. Let's go back to sleep.

[He knows it's awkward. He'd find something to do to end the conversation but he doesn't want to get up and he's pretty sure Jusis doesn't need him to so!]

[saddleclub]

You sleep too much.

[But he's not getting up, he's nestling closer. He can't say he doesn't like indulging in holding his brother just whenever he wants. It's comfortable and comforting.]

[ruinatings]

I spent 30 years being busy. I'm making up for it.

[Look snark is a great way to deal with depression! He's holding Jusis comfortably, though -- that at least has improved. He's not flinching, anymore, mostly.]

[saddleclub]

I suppose you're due a vacation.

[It's improvement. He hopes Rufus will eventually stop flinching entirely, but... Maybe they need to address that, too.]

Rufus...?

[ruinatings]

Hmm?

[Noo he was already about to drift back off.]

[saddleclub]

[Maybe her should let his brother sleep...]

Is it still difficult for you to hold me?

[Nah.]

[ruinatings]

...Not so difficult as to call for postponing a nap.

[Yes it's difficult but what can they do about it??]

[saddleclub]

Would you talk to me about it? Later, if you wish.

[If Rufus wants a nap he'll let him.]

[ruinatings]

If that's what you want.

[He really really would rather not. But, y'know, doing whatever Jusis wants and all. He doesn't have the right to say no to anything just because it makes him uncomfortable. He's made Jusis a hell of a lot more than uncomfortable.]